There are three main reactions you get when you tell someone you are having twins. Some people get REALLY excited. They gush and say congratulations over and over and ask if there are twins in your family and talk about what a blessing twins are. Then there are the folks that seem horrified. They gasp in shock and stare at you as if wondering why you aren’t freaking out more. They say things like “What are you going to do?”, ”Better you than me” or even ”Good luck with that.”
Then there are the folks that seem much more interested in how you came to be than in the fact you are coming. Fertility drugs have certainly increased the number of twins that are around. But, most IVF twins are fraternal twins. Fraternal twins occur in nature when the woman ovulates more than one egg at a time and both eggs are fertilized at the same time. Fraternal twins are just as likely to look alike as any two siblings are, they are just carried at the same time. IVF involves implanting already fertilized eggs into the uterus. Because it is expensive and doesn’t have a horribly high rate of success, frequently more than one fertilized egg will be implanted at once. Many times only one egg makes it into a viable pregnancy, but other times, two or more eggs survive and twins, or even higher order multiples occur. Identical twins occur when one egg is fertilized, and then at some point after fertilization, the zygote splits into two embryos. Identical twins occur in about 2-3% of pregnancies and account for about 30% of all twins. Although identical twins can happen with IVF, it is about the same rate as occurs in non-fertility assisted pregnancies. Identical twins don’t run in families. No one knows what causes the egg to split, it is just the luck of the draw. But, the average person doesn’t know this and so I patiently explain that while there are two sets of fraternal twins in my dad’s cousins, there aren’t any identical twins that we know of in my family. But, identicals don’t run in families and this was just a fluke. However, this usually doesn’t answer the question these people are trying to ask. Usually what they want to know is if I was taking fertility drugs or if we did IVF. So, they then ask something they perceive as a tactful way of getting at this information, but that kind of make me cringe.
“So, were you trying to get pregnant.” I feel like asking “Well, what do you mean by trying? Like did we MEAN to have sex? Are you really asking me about my sex life?” But, I know that they aren’t trying to be rude, they are just curious. A twin pregnancy is still rare enough that people are somewhat fascinated. I will usually say that we did not use fertility drugs. Most people seem surprised by this and I guess given how many fertility multiples there are, people are much more likely to know someone who had twins via IVF or Clomid than not. I try not to get offended, but after the 1000th time you answer that question, you start to get kind of irritated. I hear from other Mothers of Multiples that I will get even more tired of people asking if you are identical when you are here. I can see how that would be.
Showing posts with label twins. Show all posts
Showing posts with label twins. Show all posts
Friday, March 23, 2012
Wednesday, February 22, 2012
Mo-Mo? Oh, That's BAD
On the drive back to work, I had a TERRIBLE realization. I have a very good friend, let’s call her Z, who likes things JUST the way she likes them. She has for years talked about wanting twin boys. Z had mentioned to her OB that she wanted twins and her OB had sat her down and basically read her the riot act on how twins were NOT going to happen for her and she just needed to get over that idea now and get used to the fact that she might have ONE baby. Z was somewhat hurt by this, but I think it was a good wake up call for her. And it probably didn’t hurt that right around this time, a good friend of hers had twin boys. I remember Z calling me to her cube and showing me a registry with 2 carseats, 2 cribs, 2 of just about everything and saying incredulously, “Do you KNOW how expensive twins are? I mean, two of all of this stuff. My gosh!” I think watching her friend go through a twin pregnancy and visiting her during the first couple of weeks after birth, it made Z a little more willing to give up the twin plan. However, I was very worried that she would be hurt to find out that I was having twins. I mean, I remember when I was single and friends would tell me they were pregnant, I was always happy for them. But it also felt like the universe nudging me. You don’t have much more time, better get on it. And without being married, or even having a boyfriend most of these times, it just felt like everyone was getting what they wanted but me. Like everyone was passing me by. And it was NOT for lack of trying or wanting it on my part. It was just that Glenn hadn’t shown up yet. So, the thought of telling Z worried me a lot.
That day at my desk, I Googled monoamniotic twins. Know this: if you have some health issue that you are wondering about, Google is a very bad idea. You could have a hang nail and come away thinking that you were dying of gangrene. Google is not conducive to calm and anti-inflammatory health results. I found that mo-mo (the short hand for monochorionic-monoamniotic) twins is a very high risk pregnancy. In general, the outlook is about 50% for mo-mo twins. Basically, being in a sac without any barrier between them, twins can float all over the place. They WILL have their cords get entangled to some degree.
The trouble comes if there is any impingement or compression on the cords. If they just tangle up, cool. But, as they grow, the tangles can turn to knots. And eventually, those knots can get tight enough to cut off the blood flowing through that cord to one or both of the babies. And there is NOTHNG anyone can do about it. There is no way to reach in and untangle them. There are very scary procedures like draining most of the fluid out of the sac to try to reduce their movement. But, in general, there is nothing that can be done until they reach about 26-28 weeks, when they can viably be delivered. At best, you make it with healthy babies until the viability date, and then enter the hospital for round the clock monitoring for signs that one or both babies is in distress and then have a crash c-section. There were all these women that had logged their stories. Most of them were successes accompanied with pictures of healthy little kids (and sometimes absolutely frightening pics of a tangled knotted mass of umbilical cords from the delivery) and stories of 4 months in the hospital on bedrest and then 2 months of NICU for the babies. And those were the success stories. There was one heart-breaking story of a woman whose twins had cord compression at something like 23 weeks. She was told there was nothing they could do, so they watched the vitals disappear from the screen and then she was induced into labor and required to give birth to her two dead children. She was spent and feeling horrible when they were “born” and wasn’t able to see them. By the time she recovered enough to want to see them, they had already been sent away. These stories terrified me and I prayed fervently that there was a membrane between them. In all my free time, I would envision them with a small little line between them, and the two little beans growing together, but separate.
So, that night, when Glenn and I talked about it, he was quite adamant that he didn’t want to tell the general public until we knew for sure, one way or the other, whether they were monoamniotic. We agreed to tell close family members, as we needed some prayer warriors praying for that thin line between our two babies. We talked about when to break the news and since we both felt that in person was the only way to go, we had to wait that whole week to tell my parents. My dad was working out of town and wouldn’t arrive until Friday night. Then we would tell his Dad and Jean the next day. Luckily, this was all happening the week of Glenn’s birthday, so we were able to arrange meals with both sets of parents without arousing too much suspicion.
That day at my desk, I Googled monoamniotic twins. Know this: if you have some health issue that you are wondering about, Google is a very bad idea. You could have a hang nail and come away thinking that you were dying of gangrene. Google is not conducive to calm and anti-inflammatory health results. I found that mo-mo (the short hand for monochorionic-monoamniotic) twins is a very high risk pregnancy. In general, the outlook is about 50% for mo-mo twins. Basically, being in a sac without any barrier between them, twins can float all over the place. They WILL have their cords get entangled to some degree.
The trouble comes if there is any impingement or compression on the cords. If they just tangle up, cool. But, as they grow, the tangles can turn to knots. And eventually, those knots can get tight enough to cut off the blood flowing through that cord to one or both of the babies. And there is NOTHNG anyone can do about it. There is no way to reach in and untangle them. There are very scary procedures like draining most of the fluid out of the sac to try to reduce their movement. But, in general, there is nothing that can be done until they reach about 26-28 weeks, when they can viably be delivered. At best, you make it with healthy babies until the viability date, and then enter the hospital for round the clock monitoring for signs that one or both babies is in distress and then have a crash c-section. There were all these women that had logged their stories. Most of them were successes accompanied with pictures of healthy little kids (and sometimes absolutely frightening pics of a tangled knotted mass of umbilical cords from the delivery) and stories of 4 months in the hospital on bedrest and then 2 months of NICU for the babies. And those were the success stories. There was one heart-breaking story of a woman whose twins had cord compression at something like 23 weeks. She was told there was nothing they could do, so they watched the vitals disappear from the screen and then she was induced into labor and required to give birth to her two dead children. She was spent and feeling horrible when they were “born” and wasn’t able to see them. By the time she recovered enough to want to see them, they had already been sent away. These stories terrified me and I prayed fervently that there was a membrane between them. In all my free time, I would envision them with a small little line between them, and the two little beans growing together, but separate.
So, that night, when Glenn and I talked about it, he was quite adamant that he didn’t want to tell the general public until we knew for sure, one way or the other, whether they were monoamniotic. We agreed to tell close family members, as we needed some prayer warriors praying for that thin line between our two babies. We talked about when to break the news and since we both felt that in person was the only way to go, we had to wait that whole week to tell my parents. My dad was working out of town and wouldn’t arrive until Friday night. Then we would tell his Dad and Jean the next day. Luckily, this was all happening the week of Glenn’s birthday, so we were able to arrange meals with both sets of parents without arousing too much suspicion.
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
I'm Sorry....How Many Did You Say There Are?
Over the next weeks, I mentioned the impending baby, the pregnancy and talked about things quite a bit. Glenn listened and always replied in a very non-committal way. After several days, it did begin to hurt my feelings, but I tried to understand from his point of view. Women get all ooey-gooey about babies and men start thinking of all their responsibilities. Our finiancial situation, while not bad, always worried him. He wanted more in savings, less debt. He wanted to be out of our neighborhood and move to a better part of town. He stayed up with insomnia quite a bit normally, and I noted that he seemed to have even more than usual lately. He was very stressed out at work and I knew that this news probably only added to that. He seemed disappointed we had to wait so long to go to the doctor too, but he didn’t say much.
But I didn’t realize how bothered he really was until the morning of that first doctor’s appointment. As we were getting ready I told him I was going to be so relieved that we would get reassurance that everything was fine. That weekend I had experienced a touch of morning sickness, but nothing severe at all. In a perverse way, it felt good to have more outward signs of a healthy pregnancy. I told him I was excited to go to this appointment and he stunned me when he said “I am terrified.” I asked him what he was terrified of and he started talking about what if there were problems, what if the baby wasn’t right? I answered him calmly that everything would be fine. I reminded him that we had talked about what would happen at this appointment. I had done more research and was reasonably sure that we would have a dating ultrasound as well as a pap smear. I had also read (thank goodness) that the ultrasound was NOT done with the familiar belly jelly and sensor rubbed on your belly, but with a wand affectionately referred to online as a “dildo-cam.” That produced a more accurate picture and it was what was used this early in a pregnancy. I was very thankful I had read this and a week earlier had prepared Glenn for what was to come. He had made a very ugly face and said nothing more. I mentioned the pap-smear and was telling him what that would entail when he interrupted with “Can I just leave the room and come in when they squirt that jelly on your stomach and start looking at the baby?” I looked at him incredulous. “No honey, remember, we talked about this.” I reminded him about the vaginal transducer and explained again what it would be like. It wasn’t until the words dildo-cam came out of my mouth that he seemed to understand. He began loudly complaining and I said “Remember, I told you about this last week.” He turned away from me and said “No, I must have blocked that out.” Now, I don’t doubt that he can conveniently forget things he heard and reacted to at one point. He has proven this over and over. It is just exasperating sometimes when I feel like I am talking to an Alzheimer’s patient, repeating the same thing over and over, getting a reasonable response to my statement that makes me think he heard and understood me. And then, later having the same conversation over again. I just looked at him.
Then he teasingly said words that would come to haunt us both. “So, when they’re doing this ultrasound, what if they see twins.” Now I knew he was just pushing my buttons, and I responded quietly and calmly, words that I will never live down. “Honey, stop worrying. There is only going to be one baby, and it will be right where it is supposed to be and have all the parts it is supposed to have and it will be fine.” To which he replied, “But what would you do if they said it was twins?” I sighed and responded flippantly “Fall off the table.”
At the doctor, everything went fine. I peed in the cup, they took my weight and vitals. The ultrasound machine was in the room and while we were waiting on the doctor, I took the time to point out the offending transducer to Glenn. He grimaced and looked away quickly. The doctor came in and asked all the questions. When was my last period? Yes, that would put me at May 21 as the due date. He did the pap-smear and the breast exam and Glenn sat dutifully in the chair and didn’t run for the waiting room. And then, when satisfied that all seemed fine, he said “Let’s take a look.” And pulled the ultrasound machine closer. He told Glenn to get up and stand on my left side by my head. Luckily the transducer part happened under a sheet and then immediately there was a staticky picture to distract us. Immediately the doctor said “Well, that’s interesting.” I held my breath. Was that good or bad? “Do you see what I see?” he said in a sing-song type of voice. I squinted at the machine, but honestly, it was one big mess and I couldn’t see a thing. I wanted to say, “I don’t see squat but static, what do you see?”
“I see two little flutters.” he continued, in the sing-song voice. It took me a second to figure out what he meant. Flutters? “Are you joking?” I asked. But right then, I could see the mouse pointer aimed at a little rhythmic beating on the screen. The doctor said “No, see, two little hearts.” and moved the mouse pointer to a second little rhythmic pulsating.
I immediately looked up at Glenn. His mouth was agape. I am not sure if he cottoned onto the doctor’s meaning later than me, or if it just took him a second longer to respond. Glenn very eloquently said “What?” and the doctor obligingly said “It’s twins!” I stared at Glenn. My first thought was “HOW did he KNOW?” His words from that morning echoed in my head. What on earth was happening? And I promptly burst into tears. Part of it was the immense relief of seeing a live baby on the screen. I had worried about ectopic pregnancies and false positives and miscarriages for the last three weeks, despite my brave face to Glenn. But another part of me was entirely overwhelmed. The thought of twins hadn’t even occurred to me and it was almost too much to take in. Glenn said something about “Don’t fall off the table.” And the doctor asked if I was ok. I nodded and tried to pay attention to what we were seeing on the screen.
I could see that one blob did look like the pictures and illustrations I had seen of a fetus at this age. But the other, just looked like a round blob with no arms or legs. I worried and finally asked. We were told that the second wasn’t facing the same way. We were either seeing the top of its head, or its butt. He clicked away and measured the hearts and eventually said that the dating looked right on and everything was good. During all of this, Glenn wonderingly said to me, “Well, at least we didn’t use all the onsies in that three-pack.” Yes, thank God for small favors.
Then, the doctor put the wand away, sat me up and proceeded to tell us that this changed things. First, twins would be expected a little earlier. He said 3 weeks early, which put us at roughly May 1. Then he said that he thought they were monochorionic twins. I confess, that meant nothing to me, but he wrote the word a slip of paper with the words “one placenta” and then said that he wasn’t sure, but thought that they might be sharing one bag of water. He wrote monoamniotic with the words “one bag of water” on the paper. He went on to say that having one bag of water meant that their cords could get tangled and that would be very bad, but he reiterated that they were very small and there might actually be a dividing membrane between them. “You know, those membranes are like saran wrap thin at this age. We will be able to see a lot better in a couple of weeks when we do the 12 week ultrasound. So for now, just assume there is one and don’t worry too much.” He was very nonchalant and reassuring about everything and we left with a bag of prenatal vitamin samples and a piece of paper with two words I don’t think I had ever seen before.
Glenn and I were shell-shocked and walked quietly out to our cars. We drove the block to Chick-Fil-A for breakfast and I remember us sitting and staring at each other for a long time. We looked at the ultrasound pictures, only one of which showed two babies together. One of us would look at the other and say “twins” and then we would just both laugh. We talked some about what this would mean, but I don’t remember much of the conversation at all. I did ask Glenn what made him mention twins that morning and had he actually known. He insists to this day that he was just joking and trying to get a rise out of me and had no premonition. But, I have to tell you, it freaked me out a little that he had called it only minutes before the ultrasound.
I remember that the chicken sandwich didn’t taste too good to me at the time and I let Glenn finish it. We got up walked out to our cars and hugged. Then we both drove to work, where I don’t think either of us did one lick of work the whole day.
But I didn’t realize how bothered he really was until the morning of that first doctor’s appointment. As we were getting ready I told him I was going to be so relieved that we would get reassurance that everything was fine. That weekend I had experienced a touch of morning sickness, but nothing severe at all. In a perverse way, it felt good to have more outward signs of a healthy pregnancy. I told him I was excited to go to this appointment and he stunned me when he said “I am terrified.” I asked him what he was terrified of and he started talking about what if there were problems, what if the baby wasn’t right? I answered him calmly that everything would be fine. I reminded him that we had talked about what would happen at this appointment. I had done more research and was reasonably sure that we would have a dating ultrasound as well as a pap smear. I had also read (thank goodness) that the ultrasound was NOT done with the familiar belly jelly and sensor rubbed on your belly, but with a wand affectionately referred to online as a “dildo-cam.” That produced a more accurate picture and it was what was used this early in a pregnancy. I was very thankful I had read this and a week earlier had prepared Glenn for what was to come. He had made a very ugly face and said nothing more. I mentioned the pap-smear and was telling him what that would entail when he interrupted with “Can I just leave the room and come in when they squirt that jelly on your stomach and start looking at the baby?” I looked at him incredulous. “No honey, remember, we talked about this.” I reminded him about the vaginal transducer and explained again what it would be like. It wasn’t until the words dildo-cam came out of my mouth that he seemed to understand. He began loudly complaining and I said “Remember, I told you about this last week.” He turned away from me and said “No, I must have blocked that out.” Now, I don’t doubt that he can conveniently forget things he heard and reacted to at one point. He has proven this over and over. It is just exasperating sometimes when I feel like I am talking to an Alzheimer’s patient, repeating the same thing over and over, getting a reasonable response to my statement that makes me think he heard and understood me. And then, later having the same conversation over again. I just looked at him.
Then he teasingly said words that would come to haunt us both. “So, when they’re doing this ultrasound, what if they see twins.” Now I knew he was just pushing my buttons, and I responded quietly and calmly, words that I will never live down. “Honey, stop worrying. There is only going to be one baby, and it will be right where it is supposed to be and have all the parts it is supposed to have and it will be fine.” To which he replied, “But what would you do if they said it was twins?” I sighed and responded flippantly “Fall off the table.”
At the doctor, everything went fine. I peed in the cup, they took my weight and vitals. The ultrasound machine was in the room and while we were waiting on the doctor, I took the time to point out the offending transducer to Glenn. He grimaced and looked away quickly. The doctor came in and asked all the questions. When was my last period? Yes, that would put me at May 21 as the due date. He did the pap-smear and the breast exam and Glenn sat dutifully in the chair and didn’t run for the waiting room. And then, when satisfied that all seemed fine, he said “Let’s take a look.” And pulled the ultrasound machine closer. He told Glenn to get up and stand on my left side by my head. Luckily the transducer part happened under a sheet and then immediately there was a staticky picture to distract us. Immediately the doctor said “Well, that’s interesting.” I held my breath. Was that good or bad? “Do you see what I see?” he said in a sing-song type of voice. I squinted at the machine, but honestly, it was one big mess and I couldn’t see a thing. I wanted to say, “I don’t see squat but static, what do you see?”
“I see two little flutters.” he continued, in the sing-song voice. It took me a second to figure out what he meant. Flutters? “Are you joking?” I asked. But right then, I could see the mouse pointer aimed at a little rhythmic beating on the screen. The doctor said “No, see, two little hearts.” and moved the mouse pointer to a second little rhythmic pulsating.
I immediately looked up at Glenn. His mouth was agape. I am not sure if he cottoned onto the doctor’s meaning later than me, or if it just took him a second longer to respond. Glenn very eloquently said “What?” and the doctor obligingly said “It’s twins!” I stared at Glenn. My first thought was “HOW did he KNOW?” His words from that morning echoed in my head. What on earth was happening? And I promptly burst into tears. Part of it was the immense relief of seeing a live baby on the screen. I had worried about ectopic pregnancies and false positives and miscarriages for the last three weeks, despite my brave face to Glenn. But another part of me was entirely overwhelmed. The thought of twins hadn’t even occurred to me and it was almost too much to take in. Glenn said something about “Don’t fall off the table.” And the doctor asked if I was ok. I nodded and tried to pay attention to what we were seeing on the screen.
 |
| You can see on the right that there is a baby with little arms and legs sprouting. The other, you can only really see the top of the head (or butt). |
Then, the doctor put the wand away, sat me up and proceeded to tell us that this changed things. First, twins would be expected a little earlier. He said 3 weeks early, which put us at roughly May 1. Then he said that he thought they were monochorionic twins. I confess, that meant nothing to me, but he wrote the word a slip of paper with the words “one placenta” and then said that he wasn’t sure, but thought that they might be sharing one bag of water. He wrote monoamniotic with the words “one bag of water” on the paper. He went on to say that having one bag of water meant that their cords could get tangled and that would be very bad, but he reiterated that they were very small and there might actually be a dividing membrane between them. “You know, those membranes are like saran wrap thin at this age. We will be able to see a lot better in a couple of weeks when we do the 12 week ultrasound. So for now, just assume there is one and don’t worry too much.” He was very nonchalant and reassuring about everything and we left with a bag of prenatal vitamin samples and a piece of paper with two words I don’t think I had ever seen before.
Glenn and I were shell-shocked and walked quietly out to our cars. We drove the block to Chick-Fil-A for breakfast and I remember us sitting and staring at each other for a long time. We looked at the ultrasound pictures, only one of which showed two babies together. One of us would look at the other and say “twins” and then we would just both laugh. We talked some about what this would mean, but I don’t remember much of the conversation at all. I did ask Glenn what made him mention twins that morning and had he actually known. He insists to this day that he was just joking and trying to get a rise out of me and had no premonition. But, I have to tell you, it freaked me out a little that he had called it only minutes before the ultrasound.
I remember that the chicken sandwich didn’t taste too good to me at the time and I let Glenn finish it. We got up walked out to our cars and hugged. Then we both drove to work, where I don’t think either of us did one lick of work the whole day.
Thursday, February 16, 2012
The Telling
Well, this blog has been dormant for too long. At first I stayed away because there wasn’t much to say that COULD be said. There was a huge elephant in the room I wasn’t allowed to mention. But now, pretty much everyone who reads this blog (and I don’t think there are really any that do that I don’t know in person) already have been introduced to said elephant. I am pregnant. Full stop. With twins. I have to tell you how much I loved seeing people’s faces when I first broke the news. The shock, excitement and occasionally unadulterated horror were quite enjoyable. Then, I went through quite a bout of morning sickness. Like 20 weeks worth of it! And we are working frantically to replace all the carpeting in our house with vinyl laminate. So, I have been busy.
I have been trying to keep a journal for the twins. But honestly, I am much more likely to type out a couple of paragraphs than I am to actually hand write them. I know, what is this world coming to? If it's TMI for you, skip it. But, someday maybe the twins can look back on it and see how it happened as I remember it now and not the little I remember after raising twins through the newborn stage, infancy, toddler-hood, childhood, teenage years, etc. Cuz I am pretty sure after all of that, my brain might not remember these details so well.
So, here is how it all started:
Glenn and I talked about having children before we got married. We both wanted to when the time was right. We got married and it seemed like time FLEW. We talked about it and it seemed like we weren’t ready financially, or emotionally and although we knew we would never truly be ready, we put it off. We did stop using bc, but we weren’t trying at all. No charting or tracking or planning. So fast-forward to mid-September 2011. I had cramps and tender breasts for several days and was awaiting my period. No thought in my head at all that we might be pregnant. I went about my business for a week and then, one Monday morning, it occurred to me that by my calculations LAST week should have been the week, not this week. I took a pregnancy test, thinking nothing of it. I’d had a couple of false starts before and usually I got a negative test and a period within 24 hours of each other. I was not concerned. I got up, peed on the stick and saw the line turn pink before I could put the stick down. I thought nothing of this. That control line shows up on every test. I walked out of the bathroom, leaving the stick to marinate and fed the dogs, folded some laundry and acted entirely too casual. I walked through the bathroom to the master closet with laundry to put away and I stopped in my tracks. Were there TWO lines on that stick?!? Surely not. I calmly walked in and hung up the clothes, not believing my eyes. I walked into the bathroom and picked up the stick and collapsed onto the toilet. Good thing I close the lid every time.
My head was reeling. I stared at two little lines on the stick. Like a pause sign. And had I looked closer earlier, I would have realized the line that IMMEDIATELY appeared was not the control line, but the pregnancy line. And it was very dark. There was no mistaking the answer. Could this possibly be right? I grabbed the calendar and began trying to figure out the timing of the last month. Well, I guess it could be right. My husband lay snoring in the bed just feet away, oblivious to the drama taking place. It’s funny. There had been times when I had a negative test and would be initially relieved and then kind of melancholy. Sometimes I was wistfully sad to throw away the negative test. I mean, I am no spring chicken and I had wondered before if we would have trouble getting pregnant. My doctor had told me as much several years before. I had always assumed it would require dedicated effort. This was surprising.
Ok, so how was I going to tell Glenn? I thought about it for a good 20 minutes. If I woke him up to tell him, it might not be the best way to tell him, but at least he would have the day to process it. If I waited until he got home, he would freak out and not sleep at all that night. But, was telling him while he was all groggy a good thing to do? I didn’t know what to do, but I decided to wake him. First of all, he needed to get up. Second, I didn’t want to keep this secret from him for any amount of time. Third, he needed to process it during the day. That way if he was up all night, it wasn’t because I sprung the news on him right before bed. So, I started the coffee pot and then I went in and I woke him up. He was blurry-eyed and fuzzy brained and he smiled at me kind of groggily. I chit-chatted for a couple of moments trying to let him wake up, (funny, recently he told someone that I woke him up and told him “I’m pregnant" first thing. I guess that’s probably all he remembers because that is when he actually woke up, but I did give him a couple of minutes to clear the brain fog before I sprung it on him) but he is one of those people that takes about an hour to really get going. I was about to fall off the bed with nervousness, so I just slogged right in. I told him about my symptoms and what led me to take the test. Then I told him it was positive. And I swear, this is VERBATIM his response:
Glenn: “Really?” [questioningly]
Me: “Yes, really.”
Glenn: “Really” [sounding dubious]
Me: “Yes, it’s a positive test.” Thinking that he didn’t understand, I got up and got the test and handed it to him.
Glenn: staring at test with mouth slightly agape “Really?” [incredulously]
Me: Just stare at him wondering if he has been robbed of all speech but the word really.
Glenn: “Really” [with a sigh at the beginning. More of a statement of fact than a question.]
Glenn: “Really” [contemplatively]
Me: tears welling in my eyes. I am not sure if he is mad or upset or excited or surprised or shocked or just still asleep. “I know it wasn’t nice to tell you when you just woke up but I didn’t want to wait until tonight and I wanted you to know as soon as possible….”
Then he held out his arms and we hugged for a couple of minutes. He was very quiet and didn’t say a whole lot. I told him I was surprised and he asked why. After all, we weren’t using birth control, what did I think was going to happen. And I answered the honest truth. Nothing. I thought nothing would happen. I was sure we would have trouble and I wasn’t expecting this at all. He looked at me like I was crazy and very shortly after that headed off to get ready for work.
I took a shower and thought about what precisely I had expected from him. I mean, I guess I hadn’t expected him to jump out of bed and dance the jig in joy. And I had woken him out of a sound sleep to tell him in nine months he would be a daddy. I guess that was probably the best I could have hoped for. He didn’t lecture me that we weren’t ready to start a family yet. And if he had, boy I would have had something to say about it taking two. But, really, he is a quiet, low-drama guy. This was his way of dealing with big news. I got dressed and took him a mug of coffee before leaving for work. We talked a couple of minutes, both of us somewhat reserved. Then we both headed off to work.
I have been trying to keep a journal for the twins. But honestly, I am much more likely to type out a couple of paragraphs than I am to actually hand write them. I know, what is this world coming to? If it's TMI for you, skip it. But, someday maybe the twins can look back on it and see how it happened as I remember it now and not the little I remember after raising twins through the newborn stage, infancy, toddler-hood, childhood, teenage years, etc. Cuz I am pretty sure after all of that, my brain might not remember these details so well.
So, here is how it all started:
Glenn and I talked about having children before we got married. We both wanted to when the time was right. We got married and it seemed like time FLEW. We talked about it and it seemed like we weren’t ready financially, or emotionally and although we knew we would never truly be ready, we put it off. We did stop using bc, but we weren’t trying at all. No charting or tracking or planning. So fast-forward to mid-September 2011. I had cramps and tender breasts for several days and was awaiting my period. No thought in my head at all that we might be pregnant. I went about my business for a week and then, one Monday morning, it occurred to me that by my calculations LAST week should have been the week, not this week. I took a pregnancy test, thinking nothing of it. I’d had a couple of false starts before and usually I got a negative test and a period within 24 hours of each other. I was not concerned. I got up, peed on the stick and saw the line turn pink before I could put the stick down. I thought nothing of this. That control line shows up on every test. I walked out of the bathroom, leaving the stick to marinate and fed the dogs, folded some laundry and acted entirely too casual. I walked through the bathroom to the master closet with laundry to put away and I stopped in my tracks. Were there TWO lines on that stick?!? Surely not. I calmly walked in and hung up the clothes, not believing my eyes. I walked into the bathroom and picked up the stick and collapsed onto the toilet. Good thing I close the lid every time.
My head was reeling. I stared at two little lines on the stick. Like a pause sign. And had I looked closer earlier, I would have realized the line that IMMEDIATELY appeared was not the control line, but the pregnancy line. And it was very dark. There was no mistaking the answer. Could this possibly be right? I grabbed the calendar and began trying to figure out the timing of the last month. Well, I guess it could be right. My husband lay snoring in the bed just feet away, oblivious to the drama taking place. It’s funny. There had been times when I had a negative test and would be initially relieved and then kind of melancholy. Sometimes I was wistfully sad to throw away the negative test. I mean, I am no spring chicken and I had wondered before if we would have trouble getting pregnant. My doctor had told me as much several years before. I had always assumed it would require dedicated effort. This was surprising.
Ok, so how was I going to tell Glenn? I thought about it for a good 20 minutes. If I woke him up to tell him, it might not be the best way to tell him, but at least he would have the day to process it. If I waited until he got home, he would freak out and not sleep at all that night. But, was telling him while he was all groggy a good thing to do? I didn’t know what to do, but I decided to wake him. First of all, he needed to get up. Second, I didn’t want to keep this secret from him for any amount of time. Third, he needed to process it during the day. That way if he was up all night, it wasn’t because I sprung the news on him right before bed. So, I started the coffee pot and then I went in and I woke him up. He was blurry-eyed and fuzzy brained and he smiled at me kind of groggily. I chit-chatted for a couple of moments trying to let him wake up, (funny, recently he told someone that I woke him up and told him “I’m pregnant" first thing. I guess that’s probably all he remembers because that is when he actually woke up, but I did give him a couple of minutes to clear the brain fog before I sprung it on him) but he is one of those people that takes about an hour to really get going. I was about to fall off the bed with nervousness, so I just slogged right in. I told him about my symptoms and what led me to take the test. Then I told him it was positive. And I swear, this is VERBATIM his response:
Glenn: “Really?” [questioningly]
Me: “Yes, really.”
Glenn: “Really” [sounding dubious]
Me: “Yes, it’s a positive test.” Thinking that he didn’t understand, I got up and got the test and handed it to him.
Glenn: staring at test with mouth slightly agape “Really?” [incredulously]
Me: Just stare at him wondering if he has been robbed of all speech but the word really.
Glenn: “Really” [with a sigh at the beginning. More of a statement of fact than a question.]
Glenn: “Really” [contemplatively]
Me: tears welling in my eyes. I am not sure if he is mad or upset or excited or surprised or shocked or just still asleep. “I know it wasn’t nice to tell you when you just woke up but I didn’t want to wait until tonight and I wanted you to know as soon as possible….”
Then he held out his arms and we hugged for a couple of minutes. He was very quiet and didn’t say a whole lot. I told him I was surprised and he asked why. After all, we weren’t using birth control, what did I think was going to happen. And I answered the honest truth. Nothing. I thought nothing would happen. I was sure we would have trouble and I wasn’t expecting this at all. He looked at me like I was crazy and very shortly after that headed off to get ready for work.
I took a shower and thought about what precisely I had expected from him. I mean, I guess I hadn’t expected him to jump out of bed and dance the jig in joy. And I had woken him out of a sound sleep to tell him in nine months he would be a daddy. I guess that was probably the best I could have hoped for. He didn’t lecture me that we weren’t ready to start a family yet. And if he had, boy I would have had something to say about it taking two. But, really, he is a quiet, low-drama guy. This was his way of dealing with big news. I got dressed and took him a mug of coffee before leaving for work. We talked a couple of minutes, both of us somewhat reserved. Then we both headed off to work.
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