The Telling

Well, this blog has been dormant for too long. At first I stayed away because there wasn’t much to say that COULD be said. There was a huge elephant in the room I wasn’t allowed to mention. But now, pretty much everyone who reads this blog (and I don’t think there are really any that do that I don’t know in person) already have been introduced to said elephant. I am pregnant. Full stop. With twins. I have to tell you how much I loved seeing people’s faces when I first broke the news. The shock, excitement and occasionally unadulterated horror were quite enjoyable. Then, I went through quite a bout of morning sickness.  Like 20 weeks worth of it! And we are working frantically to replace all the carpeting in our house with vinyl laminate.  So, I have been busy.


I have been trying to keep a journal for the twins. But honestly, I am much more likely to type out a couple of paragraphs than I am to actually hand write them. I know, what is this world coming to? If it's TMI for you, skip it.  But, someday maybe the twins can look back on it and see how it happened as I remember it now and not the little I remember after raising twins through the newborn stage, infancy, toddler-hood, childhood, teenage years, etc. Cuz I am pretty sure after all of that, my brain might not remember these details so well.

So, here is how it all started:

Glenn and I talked about having children before we got married. We both wanted to when the time was right. We got married and it seemed like time FLEW. We talked about it and it seemed like we weren’t ready financially, or emotionally and although we knew we would never truly be ready, we put it off. We did stop using bc, but we weren’t trying at all. No charting or tracking or planning. So fast-forward to mid-September 2011. I had cramps and tender breasts for several days and was awaiting my period. No thought in my head at all that we might be pregnant. I went about my business for a week and then, one Monday morning, it occurred to me that by my calculations LAST week should have been the week, not this week. I took a pregnancy test, thinking nothing of it. I’d had a couple of false starts before and usually I got a negative test and a period within 24 hours of each other. I was not concerned. I got up, peed on the stick and saw the line turn pink before I could put the stick down. I thought nothing of this. That control line shows up on every test. I walked out of the bathroom, leaving the stick to marinate and fed the dogs, folded some laundry and acted entirely too casual. I walked through the bathroom to the master closet with laundry to put away and I stopped in my tracks. Were there TWO lines on that stick?!? Surely not. I calmly walked in and hung up the clothes, not believing my eyes. I walked into the bathroom and picked up the stick and collapsed onto the toilet. Good thing I close the lid every time.

My head was reeling. I stared at two little lines on the stick. Like a pause sign. And had I looked closer earlier, I would have realized the line that IMMEDIATELY appeared was not the control line, but the pregnancy line. And it was very dark. There was no mistaking the answer. Could this possibly be right? I grabbed the calendar and began trying to figure out the timing of the last month. Well, I guess it could be right. My husband lay snoring in the bed just feet away, oblivious to the drama taking place. It’s funny. There had been times when I had a negative test and would be initially relieved and then kind of melancholy. Sometimes I was wistfully sad to throw away the negative test. I mean, I am no spring chicken and I had wondered before if we would have trouble getting pregnant. My doctor had told me as much several years before. I had always assumed it would require dedicated effort. This was surprising.

Ok, so how was I going to tell Glenn? I thought about it for a good 20 minutes. If I woke him up to tell him, it might not be the best way to tell him, but at least he would have the day to process it. If I waited until he got home, he would freak out and not sleep at all that night. But, was telling him while he was all groggy a good thing to do? I didn’t know what to do, but I decided to wake him. First of all, he needed to get up. Second, I didn’t want to keep this secret from him for any amount of time. Third, he needed to process it during the day. That way if he was up all night, it wasn’t because I sprung the news on him right before bed. So, I started the coffee pot and then I went in and I woke him up. He was blurry-eyed and fuzzy brained and he smiled at me kind of groggily. I chit-chatted for a couple of moments trying to let him wake up, (funny, recently he told someone that I woke him up and told him “I’m pregnant" first thing. I guess that’s probably all he remembers because that is when he actually woke up, but I did give him a couple of minutes to clear the brain fog before I sprung it on him) but he is one of those people that takes about an hour to really get going. I was about to fall off the bed with nervousness, so I just slogged right in. I told him about my symptoms and what led me to take the test. Then I told him it was positive. And I swear, this is VERBATIM his response:

Glenn: “Really?” [questioningly]

Me: “Yes, really.”

Glenn: “Really” [sounding dubious]

Me: “Yes, it’s a positive test.” Thinking that he didn’t understand, I got up and got the test and handed it to him.

Glenn: staring at test with mouth slightly agape “Really?” [incredulously]

Me: Just stare at him wondering if he has been robbed of all speech but the word really.

Glenn: “Really” [with a sigh at the beginning.  More of a statement of fact than a question.]

Glenn: “Really” [contemplatively]

Me: tears welling in my eyes. I am not sure if he is mad or upset or excited or surprised or shocked or just still asleep. “I know it wasn’t nice to tell you when you just woke up but I didn’t want to wait until tonight and I wanted you to know as soon as possible….”

Then he held out his arms and we hugged for a couple of minutes. He was very quiet and didn’t say a whole lot. I told him I was surprised and he asked why. After all, we weren’t using birth control, what did I think was going to happen. And I answered the honest truth. Nothing. I thought nothing would happen. I was sure we would have trouble and I wasn’t expecting this at all. He looked at me like I was crazy and very shortly after that headed off to get ready for work.

I took a shower and thought about what precisely I had expected from him. I mean, I guess I hadn’t expected him to jump out of bed and dance the jig in joy. And I had woken him out of a sound sleep to tell him in nine months he would be a daddy. I guess that was probably the best I could have hoped for. He didn’t lecture me that we weren’t ready to start a family yet. And if he had, boy I would have had something to say about it taking two. But, really, he is a quiet, low-drama guy. This was his way of dealing with big news. I got dressed and took him a mug of coffee before leaving for work. We talked a couple of minutes, both of us somewhat reserved. Then we both headed off to work.